Back to December
by EmeraldSapphirine
Summary: When Tezuka's married and all, Fuji sees him once more to settle whatever has happened between them and go back to the past they have been avoiding...for the last time. Tezuka/Fuji. Angst


**Back to December**

_by: Emerald Sapphirine_

* * *

**A/N**: Okay, so as not to be confused, words enclosed in '…' are dialogues from a flashback and those enclosed from a normal "…" are those in the present time.

**Word Count**: 6432

**Warnings**: Unedited. And…it's not a songfic. Hope you like it!

* * *

As he sat down and waited within the boundary of a well-known fountain, Fuji busied himself with the pleasurable sights Japan had to offer for Christmas. Accompanied by several others—friends, families, siblings and couples alike preoccupied with their respective businesses, Fuji didn't mind the fact that among them, only he was alone.

Around him, he saw little kids dressed in glitzy Christmas attires playing games, some vendors trying to sell out their cakes, couples simply spending time with each other and people shopping—many of them.

Fuji gladly looked around, keeping the little entertainment to himself. _People watching_, it had been and will always be his hobby. Though that time, there weren't as many people in that place, Fuji noticed. But that way, it wasn't very crowded… and it was peaceful.

Fuji rubbed his hands together. Despite the gloves, his hands still felt much of the cold. He breathed on them to let the numbness subside.

And as he looked up, from that position, he saw the person he had been waiting for.

He was some distance away, or _they_ were. As people passed by in front of Fuji, he fixed his stare unto him and his family. It was a family of four and as they were walking, there's something about them that Fuji was captured about. They were so… _together_. Or perhaps he was just taken aback, he thought. Maybe, he wasn't expecting that.

Tezuka was walking slightly ahead when he looked back, perhaps to keep the conversation with his wife going.

He was _talking_. Fuji laughed to himself.

Their two children, a girl and a boy, standing in between them as they strolled around, they appeared to be a _perfect_ happy family.

Fuji smiled. It sounds like Tezuka.

_How 'bout him? When will he start thinking of settling down, anyway?_

He looked back up again. Tezuka had already saw him and was heading to where he was sitting down.

Fuji stopped blowing his hands, brought them down and broke into a smile.

He stood up instinctively, smiling as he shifted his gaze from Tezuka to his wife.

"Nice to meet you," he greeted her, which was returned with a warm smile, reaching her eyes.

Fuji turned to the kids and welcomed them as well with an unsaid hello as he waved his hand.

"Otousan, otousan, can we have a look around the place?" the little boy said excitedly, clutching Tezuka by the pants.

Tezuka smiled gently and nodded to the boy.

"So, we're leaving you two…" the wife said gladly as she walked with the two kids away.

And after six long years, Tezuka stood right in front of Fuji once again, with no other business but to spend the rest of the day with him.

"I'm glad you considered my invitation and came," started Fuji.

"Hn" Tezuka replied curtly, thinking how it was completely out of his plan at first, if not for the encouragement of his wife, pointing out that since they visited Japan to see his family for Christmas, it'd be a good opportunity for him to see his old friends, too. Only that she didn't know there was more to an old friend and the joy of seeing him. Unable to admit that, Tezuka came though against his own will.

"I haven't seen you in a while. But you look like you've been good. Busy, are you?" Fuji commented examining Tezuka from head to foot. It's really been a while, since they had last seen each other.

Fuji felt like he no longer knew the man currently standing before him.

"Hn"

Fuji waited for more but upon realizing that that was really all he had to say, accepted his now short replies compared to the real talking he had with his wife. "As always… You have a beautiful wife. She seems wonderful."

"Thanks" Tezuka tried to say, sincerely.

"It's getting really cold here in Japan." Fuji said rubbing his hands and breathing out moist air. He can see Tezuka didn't look at him. And he couldn't help but frown inside.

"You should always bring your coat and gloves." Tezuka had no gloves and Fuji wondered if he didn't feel as chilly. Or if it was only him who felt the cold. "For sure, Christmas is going to be frozen, too."

Tezuka was looking around, giving the impression that he was quite bored. But Fuji knew he was listening to him. He was always listening. It's just that it seems like he couldn't look at him.

_You're guard is up today. Sounds like you, ne?_

* * *

"Saa…It's Christmas again" Fuji said eyeing the many stores bulwarked with conspicuous lights as they walked around.

"Haii time flies so fast" Tezuka said catching Fuji's attention and causing him to stop in his tracks.

"…Really?" Fuji murmured looking at Tezuka who still cast a straightforward glance upon his surroundings, refusing to have his gaze on Fuji. Now, it seemed that he's beginning to feel some of the cold, too.

'_You look like you've been having fun'_ Fuji thought, as he allowed Tezuka some distance and lagged a little bit behind.

"Ne, ne Christmas cakes here, would you like to try?" a vendor by the side cut in their way, flaunting her delicious looking and freshly baked Christmas cakes with an assuring smile.

Fuji cast a sideward glance over Tezuka who looked indecisive over the matter. Again, he would be the one to initiate, like before.

"Let's taste some, Tezuka"

And the two got a piece each of the square cut sample cakes from the tray.

"Thank you, thank you! This will sweeten the season and it's also lucky for relationships and couples" she added, to which the two didn't mind and simply walked past her.

"It's sweet! Did you… like it?" Fuji asked.

"Tolerable" was the mere reply.

Fuji smiled.

"It's good you'd be spending Christmas here"

* * *

Not so long ago, not so long…six years ago, it was.

'Saa…there's a new store there. Let's try it, Tezuka' Fuji invited dragging Tezuka over to the new store indeed.

'Mmm… It's good! How was it, ne?' Fuji asked smiling brightly than ever, giving the impression that the food was really good.

Tezuka showed an uncertain face. 'Spicy'

'Hahahhaha, Tezuka you look so cute' Fuji praised.

Tezuka looked up and saw Fuji's camera narrowing at him. Click.

'Fuji…'

'Come, let's go over there' and again Tezuka was dragged to many places he'd never been to before.

* * *

The sky was soothing in its wide canvas appearance tainted bright orange and faint lavender. The sun had been heating up, painting the horizon red and orange, as it made its way down to the deep calm ocean.

'The beach is so peaceful, Tezuka.' Fuji whispered as he watched the waves splash past the shore and retreat back to the ocean, listening carefully to the beautiful sound they made.

'Hai'

Fuji turned to his left slowly as he heard Tezuka say from beside him. Tezuka was closing his eyes, as if allowing his face to feel the heat from the setting sun.

He looked more handsome with his eyes closed, Fuji noted. More peaceful, too without the creases in his forehead and without his usual 'don't let your guard down' aura.

Certainly, the break from Tezuka's work that he insisted was worth it, Fuji thought. And it was a good decision to have brought him there.

* * *

'Is this necessary Fuji?' Tezuka asked making sure once again, and finding it awkward to be buying balloons at that age given that there were no children to give it to.

'They said if you do this, your dreams would come true' Fuji said supporting his suggestion.

'So, let's write now…'

Fuji grabbed a pen and scribbled something in a piece of paper and Tezuka was left with nothing but to do the same.

After they had finished, they took a short walk along the seashore, Tezuka holding the balloons while Fuji the two neatly folded pieces of paper, fighting the urge to open and peep at one of them.

At one point the two stopped at the place Fuji found suitable and let go of the balloons with their wishes tied into its end. Left behind in the seashore, the two of them watched as their respective balloons ascended into the then dimming sky until they could see no more of them.

'So, what did you wish for Tezuka?' Fuji asked as they walked back home.

After a momentary pause, 'Secret' Tezuka answered, without asking Fuji his.

Despite being unquestioned, _I want to be with you forever_, Fuji stated, at the back of his mind.

* * *

'Merry Christmas, Tezuka'

'Merry Christmas'

Fuji cooked for the both of them on that Christmas Eve. The chicken, the cakes, the pastries and sushi, they joined together in finishing them up in welcome of the holiday season.

They didn't sleep at once, but filled the wee hours of the morning with good conversations instead. That time, Fuji can already make Tezuka talk a bit longer and reply even to the most trivial of things he wanted to talk to.

It was snowing, and the two stayed side by side to counter the cold.

At about 2 a.m. Fuji had fallen asleep already and Tezuka brought him to their room. Three hours later, he found himself waking up. The city was not as dark anymore and he decided to go outside to breathe the morning air and have some time to himself.

Tezuka stood there reflecting for a while and feeling the chilly winds past his neck. He felt colder than ever.

And cold indeed he sensed in his legs until he looked back and realized that Fuji had followed him outside and has just thrown a ball of ice on him.

'How about my artwork, Tezuka?' he asked stooping down and smiling beside what he had created out of snow.

Tezuka looked at them and saw a statue of himself and Fuji. It was in chibi form, as tall as Fuji when he was stooping down. It looked… _cute_, Tezuka thought for a while. Fuji had captured the details between them quite well, the way his eyeglasses was neatly placed on his stoic face, with an evident blush forming in his cheeks as Fuji held his hand and the way the scarf fell from the smaller ball of ice to the bigger ball below it and as for Fuji, his smile present as always, waving a casual hello with his eyes closed. Tezuka smiled inwardly to himself.

'Needs more practice' he criticized, much to Fuji's feign displeasure.

* * *

'Tezuka come with me, I will teach you how to cook' Fuji said almost dragging Tezuka out of bed due to his excitement.

It was a few minutes more before Tezuka wakes up and the boy felt that he needed the valuable sleep he could have in those remaining minutes. Needless to say, they have been going out more often and he has work to do as well leaving him with not much free time, and not much time to rest. But Tezuka seemed to have no choice but to wonder why it suddenly popped out of Fuji's mind to teach him how to cook.

And so he went along with Fuji in the kitchen, as the boy showed him the different kitchen tools to use and ingredients to prepare. And watch Tezuka did as Fuji cooked his favorite—grilled eel and made a special sauce for it.

'I need to teach you how to cook so that when I'm not around you won't die of starvation…that is, aside from missing me, of course.' Fuji said sweetly as he poured rice wine and added sugar in the frying pan.

'Not around?' Tezuka echoed quite dreamily, trying to watch carefully what Fuji was doing.

'To be independent, I mean' Fuji came up with an explanation and grabbed yet another bowl of ingredients.

'…'

'Ah Fuji, you're putting too much wasabi' Tezuka cautioned seeing the continual pouring of wasabi into the pan.

'Oops, gomen ne, Tezuka. But you're pretty used to this, aren't you?' An irresistible smile flashed to Tezuka's face.

'Hn..' Tezuka sighed.

* * *

'Tezuka have you seen that small piece of paper over there?' Fuji asked one day, bothered of that small note that he had almost turned the house upside down looking for it and asking Tezuka was already his last and final resolve.

Tezuka shook his head to the problematic tensai.

'Uh…my story outline is in there' pouted Fuji trying to seek help from Tezuka in the subtle way that he knew.

Being the gentleman that he was, Tezuka leisurely stood up from his desk and walked over to the tensai. 'Where did you last leave it?'

And so they went to the room searching in every possible corner for that small piece of paper that contained Fuji's valuable outline to a story he hasn't started. It was then until Tezuka, in an attempt to arrange Fuji's messy desk, accidently knocked off a pile of notebooks. The notebooks fell thus revealing their contents. Fuji's precious paper turned out to be neatly tucked in the first page of the topmost notebook.

'You should be more organized with your things, Fuji' Tezuka reprimanded.

'Tezuka, you found it! Thank you, thank you!' Fuji screamed out of relief.

And apparently, a thank you for the ex-captain would not suffice. Fuji was in a sense punished by being tasked to clean the house for that day while Tezuka quietly pushed through with his work with the least disturbance possible as the other boy was supposedly 'busy'.

'Ne, Tezuka, I feel so tired, wouldn't you want to offer some help?' Fuji complained preferring to run laps than clean the entire house for a day. Tezuka ignored and went on with his work.

But of course the sadist would not admit to such defeat and as he was under the table adjacent to where Tezuka was, he came up with a very good plan to successfully interrupt the persistent boy's work.

'Ne Tezuka, do you mind if I clean you as well?' Fuji asked as he splashed water to Tezuka's feet with his bare hands.

Still Tezuka didn't mind him.

So he splashed some more, up to Tezuka's body and there was even one that hit his face.

Soon, Tezuka have had enough that he made an attempt to make the tensai, who's now acting like a little kid, stop from bothering him. As Fuji splashed more and more _liquid_ to his face, Tezuka tried to reach for the pail. But the genius that Fuji is, it was strategically located far from him that he'd have to run on to Fuji to get it.

More and more _solution_ used for cleaning the floor showered on him and getting really dirty, Tezuka _knew_ he needed to do something already. Left with no other choice, he pulled Fuji away from underneath the desk and carried him bridal way, and then walked to the far end of the living room.

'Haha… You love me this much you couldn't afford to take revenge on me' Fuji said in between his laughter.

Tezuka stared at him blankly.

_That's not it. I could not reach the pail…_ he explained to his mind calmly, not seeing the point of explaining it to Fuji and feeling that if he did not defend his action to himself he might have otherwise believed the tensai, which he didn't want to.

Fuji noticed his stare but continued laughing, nevertheless. Tezuka wondered why he was even explaining himself in the first place.

'Say it,' Fuji stopped laughing. 'Say 'I love you' to me, Tezuka' he said, half-mockingly and half-sincerely-wanting-to-hear-it.

Tezuka stopped for a moment and brought him down.

'Mou, so you really won't say it' Fuji said a bit childishly without looking at Tezuka and then slowly made his way back to where he was cleaning, with a smile plastered on his face, which Tezuka didn't see.

Hesitant at first, Tezuka found himself finally giving in.

'I love you'

Fuji immediately retreated and walked backwards to where Tezuka was and this time, it was the stoic captain who, in a split-second, had walked away.

* * *

Tezuka placed his right hand to his forehead and pressed on it gently.

'You look tired' Fuji commented as he climbed up the bed. 'Headache?' He made his way beside Tezuka and fixed the blanket to cover both of them.

'Yeah' Tezuka said but looked like he hadn't refrained from thinking about something work-related.

'It looks like you've been busy but … you shouldn't overwork yourself' Fuji advised sweetly. Without tearing his gaze away from Tezuka, the smaller boy sure looked concerned and worried.

'Ne, what did you do in work today?'

'Many things…'

'So many?'

'Hai'

Fuji kept quiet.

'How 'bout you?' Tezuka turned to look at him.

'Hmm...I drafted the new story. My target date of publishing is six months from now.' He stated.

'…Do you want me to tell you what it's about?' He said sliding down in sleeping position.

Tezuka removed his glasses and followed in that position as well. Leaving a small space between them, Fuji faced Tezuka while the boy fixed his eyes on the ceiling and waited for his story.

'Hmm for the characters…'

Fuji began to narrate the outline. Though he knew that not a moment later Tezuka was sleeping already, he finished narrating until the end of the chapter he begun. When he had finished, he moved closer to hug Tezuka as he buried his head onto his chest and drifted to sleep shortly.

And sometime in the middle of the night, Fuji woke to feel Tezuka's arms wound around him, too.

* * *

(Back to present time)

There were not much people in the streets and Fuji felt as if Tezuka and he had the place to themselves that night.

It was particularly silent in that part of the city that Fuji can hear their footsteps distinctly as they walked together, in silence.

He looked up to the distant Tezuka whose mind he was yet to penetrate.

He was looking far away, so far away, when Fuji was just behind him. His gaze—it was hard to steal it, somehow Fuji felt that it had never landed on him ever since they met that day.

"Do you still remember…that night?" Fuji said stopping in his tracks, causing Tezuka to stop with him as they found themselves in front of an olden house, laden with snow.

Reflected by the moon's light from the dark blue sky are two beautiful silhouettes, lost that starry night, that they were before a house that stood out among others; there were no lights in it, no sign of residents, and just the heavy white snow to give it some life that Christmas Eve.

"Yeah…this is the place right" Tezuka answered back.

Fuji nodded. "No one stays here anymore…It's an abandoned house now"

It took a while for Tezuka to answer. "I see"

_Like me…like how I was abandoned before_

* * *

It was there; buried to the deepest of his memories, buried well yet vividly—Tezuka remembered that night…the night that changed his life, forever.

It was without a proper explanation, without a letter and without a single word that he didn't show up in their prearranged meeting that Christmas Eve.

He waited the day after that, and the day after as well, but just in vain for nothing came up still, no phone call, no mail, no show of face.

And for some reason his mind was telling him that he was okay, that nothing wrong had happened to him.

He tried calling him countless times; and the phone would ring; only that no one was there to answer it.

So he really was avoiding him after all—an explanation he wouldn't want to believe in. But that was the only explanation he could think of.

But why without a word? Tezuka thought he could accept anything, so long as it was properly explained. But there was none. Days and nights, he would spend thinking and even if it was in vain, he couldn't resist it. Sewing possible scenarios that ran in that mysterious person's head—that was the only thing he could do.

Until one night his wish was finally granted, even if it might be a broken heart, he was glad Fuji came and finally showed up.

But the surprise in his eyes tells him that Fuji wasn't expecting for it either, for a possible confrontation. And Tezuka thought Fuji might have expected him to be in work that's why he chose that time to come. For once, even if he was hesitant not to go to work that day to think things himself, which was in other words allow his day to go waste only to settle his restlessness within, he was more than glad of having made such decision. Because of that, he could finally hear the explanation he's been yearning for.

'Have I done something?' Tezuka asked in spite of Fuji's annoyed expression and potent serious eyes.

'No you didn't do anything. It was my decision' Fuji explained, harshly. _It's for you._

It would be wrong to describe Tezuka's feeling as taken aback, for sure. That time, the words Fuji said probably haven't gotten into his senses and maybe he wasn't taken aback because he was yet to believe that Fuji has said those words.

Upon seeing no reaction in his face, Fuji may have felt the need to explain. 'I-I'm tired' he said a bit more gently. 'I'm tired of this…of us…o-of you.' _It's improper._

'I don't want to see you anymore'

And maybe only then was Tezuka taken aback. He couldn't accept that. Not yet and not right away. He searched in his mind _all_ possible reasons and explanations, there have to be one, he believed. And so painstakingly he thought in a span of a few seconds until he got hold of the most likely, yet most painful one.

'Is there… someone else?'

There was a short pause. Tezuka's gaze didn't leave Fuji's and as Fuji stared at the ground, he prepared to answer that question._ It's improper, Tezuka. I can't do this to you._

'Yes' he said with those strong definitive eyes piercing through Tezuka.

Then he instantly stormed inside the house to get his things.

'_Yes'_ He said it with conviction, with no hesitation. He said it so harshly and when he passed by him, he walked with full confidence, straight pass him without even slowing down the littlest bit.

It made sense. It really did. Fuji was tired of him. No less. It's possible. Fuji was indeed… _tired_ of him.

And when he saw Fuji emerge from that same house carrying his bags with him, he knew for certain that that was the last time he would ever see him.

…_until this day_

* * *

"I'm sorry…" Fuji mumbled to himself as Tezuka and he stared at that house, reflecting and thinking in their own midst.

"I'm sorry…" Fuji said again, loud enough for Tezuka to hear. "for leaving you" he continued even though he was not sure if there was a need to say that or if _Tezuka_ would _want_ to hear that from him or not.

"It's past" was Tezuka's quick reply. But somehow, he couldn't deny that there were still remnants of the pain inside.

The wind blew against them and the two were engulfed in silence for the umpteenth time that night.

"Seems like I've left you for the better… ne?" Fuji said positively in his chilly voice in an attempt to comfort themselves.

But Tezuka acted as if he heard nothing and continued walking towards the direction they were heading earlier; thus, leaving Fuji behind.

_I left you for your own sake._

* * *

The wind was blowing again, hurling by his window pane, causing his curtains to disarray.

Fuji resisted the urge to call him and hear his voice. In doing so, he'll be shoving away much of the coldness he felt. But he fought back that urge. It was October 7th, his birthday.

And in more occasions, White Day, Christmas Day, their anniversary, his awaited birthday, passed. Fuji still felt the cold and bore with it, alone.

Until one day, the urge to call slowly died down and he was used to this custom, to this new way of life, without Tezuka.

But the loneliness, the pain and the longing, will just _never_ die enough.

But he knew he had to do it. Fuji knew that the decision he had made was the right one. And he did not regret it the tinniest bit. It was for Tezuka. It was for his sake. He couldn't continue to live a life with him. He's worth much more than that.

Leaving without a word was the easiest way. Allowing Tezuka to get mad at him and feel nothing but rage for him, it was the best way so that he could move on. And Fuji would do it even if it takes letting Tezuka believe in a lie, that he didn't love him anymore.

And he had to put up with that lie.

When he went inside their house for the last time, he saw the flowers on the table. It seemed a day old, already. Tezuka probably brought them for Christmas Eve, to give to him in their dinner.

That was the first time Tezuka would give him flowers. But he…_didn't_ _come_ to get them. And as he stared at them upon his return, no longer could he get them. Even if he so badly wanted to, he _couldn't_. Those flowers, in case, would have been his last memory of him.

But a few days later, he dropped by to visit the house. According to his prediction, Tezuka would have already left. It's like him to leave immediately upon seeing no reason for staying. And if in case, he had not left, Fuji didn't have a back-up plan. He just went there, dragged by his feet because he simply felt like it.

His prediction was right. Tezuka had already left. It was good; he need not make up an excuse or put up an impromptu act. But deep inside, Fuji was disappointed. It wasn't what he wanted. Even if they'd have to fight, Fuji would _rather_ see Tezuka again.

The house was locked. No one seemed to have rented or bought it. Fuji stayed outside, thinking how he wouldn't be able to enter that house any longer.

But maybe it was good that Tezuka had already left, Fuji thought. Because that way, he didn't have to hurt Tezuka more and Tezuka need not feel deeper anger against him.

Fuji saw the flowers placed in the trash can and thought that it was fate that no one has gotten them yet. He picked them up, breathed in its smell and stayed a bit longer, until he left the house for good.

* * *

No longer does he come back to it to visit it from time to time. Today (present time) was the second time he saw the house after that.

And though the flowers he has gotten have already wilted and died, he still had them until now. They were kept, sandwiched in a book that he would check and visit from time to time. Whenever he opens that book, not only would the flowers there be greeting him, but many memories as well. Many good ones, spent with Tezuka.

* * *

"Ne, Tezuka" Fuji called from behind.

Tezuka continued walking without slowing down. Upon seeing that he had no intention of replying, Fuji trudged towards the boy and held his arm back, hindering him from any further movement.

Tezuka looked back and stared at him badly. It was close to glaring but Tezuka was not plain angry. His eyes bore a deep heavy gaze that Fuji felt something warm creep down to his spine and he could not react or say anything to him.

_Since we met again, he's been cold to me…and now he's looking at me this way_…

Fuji can see...that Tezuka was still hurt of what he had done.

And the only explanation he found for this was …was that Tezuka _still_ loves him.

Fuji breathed, lightly. "Gomen," he said sincerely, hoping that he had not hurt him in the first place, only if it was not inevitable at that time.

Tezuka looked down then back up to Fuji with his eyes gentler now.

Fuji sighed. "Can we still be friends?" His tone was positive.

Tezuka looked at him questionably. Fuji's smile was slowly fading until he held it into a half-smile before it disappeared.

He knew Tezuka couldn't afford to be friends with him, not yet. _But…_

"But…that's the only thing we can be right?" Fuji merely waited for Tezuka's reaction.

Tezuka stopped for a moment. Given that realization, many things needing consideration were dawning on him, bothering him to no end and pressuring him to respond. There were so many that he couldn't think properly anymore. No, he _didn't want_ to think anymore. Even if that meant not bearing in mind the consequences, he had not ruined that record yet, but for once he was so _tired_ of it…could he be rash and impulsive even just for once?

And so letting go of it and leaning in to what he wanted, what he really wanted, he pulled Fuji by the waist and melted him into a kiss, a kiss that was full of love, full of passion, full of longing for the other, full of emotions ablaze in their hearts.

He loved his wife. He knew that.

But after seeing Fuji again, being with Fuji again, and kissing Fuji again, he could no longer be as sure.

His wife. His family. His kids. They were all drifting away and he couldn't help it until there was only _Fuji_ left. He could think of only Fuji, thus making it harder to break away from the kiss. No longer did he want to let go. No longer could he find the courage of letting go.

Holding Fuji with his left hand, he used his right to tilt Fuji's head and hold it protectively as he sucked the boy's lower lip.

Taken aback by Tezuka's sudden action, Fuji shot his eyes open and was unresponsive for a while. Upon realizing Fuji's state of shock, Tezuka commandingly pulled him closer, leaving no room for escape.

Fuji felt his knees weaken and by instinct moved his feet accordingly for a better position.

And from then, Fuji no longer felt the cold from the then starting to fall snow, nor heard the small chatters of people around them.

Only Tezuka was left. Only Tezuka preoccupied his mind in that moment.

Feeling again, how Tezuka persistently devoured him as he waited for a response, Fuji finally succumbed to the boy's enticing delusion and fought back by sucking Tezuka's upper lip in haste, with moaning here and there, accompanied by the restless movement of his hands from Tezuka's chest, to his abdomen, down through spine and back. He just couldn't…_touch_ him enough.

Fuji kissed Tezuka even more fervently, gasping as he could not wait any longer. He could discern a tinge of chocolate, probably the flavor of the Christmas cake he tried earlier. And as he decided to indulge himself in savoring the boy entirely, Tezuka gladly let him be. He could tell that Fuji was enjoying its every bit, taking delight in kissing him incessantly as if there was no tomorrow. _There was none…indeed._

"This changes nothing" Tezuka reminded, gasping then resumed contact with Fuji's lips right away.

Tezuka shifted his hand from the back of Fuji's head to his right cheek and caressed it gently as he deepened his kiss.

_If only you can be mine again…_ Tezuka thought at the back of his mind.

Tezuka's hands travelled from Fuji's cheeks to the boy's upper back. Slouching down to his smaller frame, he walked Fuji backwards to a nearby post without breaking contact with his mouth as Fuji held on to his shoulders for support.

When they had finally reached the post, he lifted the boy higher to kiss him in a better angle, placing his palm behind his hair to carry his head and then continued to ravage him mercilessly, asserting possession over his entire being.

Fuji recognized so well that burning sensation as Tezuka swept through his insides, growing hungrier and hungrier with every passing second.

The kiss was not gentle, suffice to say.

It was _unforgiving_.

And as the light above the post had shined so brightly, no one passing by would see them or a glimpse of their silhouettes. It was like the two of them were in a different world, a world they kept to their own.

Tezuka cuddled him protectively in his arms, holding him so close that they were numb of almost everything but the heat that they shared.

It was overflowing with desire—that was the way they kissed.

Tezuka continued to consume the boy in such frenzied manner. As he did, his thoughts reverted back to the time when he had asked if there was someone else. Fuji answered a yes. But with the way he is responding to him now, Tezuka was sure, he was one hundred percent sure that that was lie.

'There was no one else, Tezuka…only you' he could almost hear Fuji saying as he basked in the sweetness of strawberries that he could taste from Fuji's mouth, all the while causing the boy to drown in his intensified kiss.

Feeling like he was sinking down to it, Fuji slowly broke away and caught his breath.

Lured by Fuji's sweet intoxication, Tezuka was left probing over the smaller boy's frail shoulders to his beautiful face, searching and wanting for more but this time allowing Fuji to preside over him.

Fuji amused himself in the smell of Tezuka's perfume. It's been so long since he last breathed in that scent. How he missed it so much. How he missed _him_ so much.

Fuji brushed his lips gently. And in that silent agreement, Tezuka was aware that Fuji was allowing him to take control again while his kiss still had its strong and definitive tone, or so he noticed. It was claiming, possessive, irresistible. Tezuka easily recognized it as the Fuji he knew back then. It was as if Fuji was making him remember and was _greeting_ him that night, Tezuka realized.

And at one point, he felt Fuji sink down and shiver due to the cold. Fuji clutched his shirt and instinctively, Tezuka covered him, pressing his body closer to his to keep him warm and stop his shaking. In so doing, Fuji's arms were deeper engraved into his chest causing minimal rubbing but enough to make it warm, too.

Tezuka quit the thoughtlessness and passion and the previously uncontrolled kiss had now become a gentle and chaste one, with deeper meaning within, conveying their feelings completely in its every sense.

_How that cold heart of his had become warm once more_, he thought as Fuji stayed close, sniffing him.

And only one thing Tezuka could be most sure of at that moment, one thing that he knew will never fade away through time.

He loved this person. He _really_ loved him…more than anything.

Tezuka kissed him a couple of times more and then opened his mouth again, which Fuji has followed soon after, entwining his tongue with his.

* * *

Tezuka will forever remember that night.

Tezuka will forever remember Fuji, and their kiss, a kiss that was given _all_ of them, a silent pledge of their love that no marriage vow could ever compete to, a kiss that was meant to last forever.

* * *

Tezuka pressed his throbbing head with Fuji's forehead as the two sought for air to breathe in.

He moved his hands from the boy's waist and shoulders to hold Fuji's smooth cheeks instead while Fuji had his hands on both Tezuka's arms. From the small distance that separated them, Tezuka took the opportunity to stare at Fuji before completely pulling away.

Tezuka realized that he hasn't looked at him yet in the time they've been together that day. Fuji was still beautiful, even more beautiful than he had last seen him. He kept his eyes on those features, trying to memorize them so that when he leaves, he would still remember how Fuji looked like.

And he could see…that he was crying.

And before Tezuka knew it, he was, too.

Soon, he pulled away and hugged him instead.

He hugged him… tightly, and shared with him that same warmth, the warmth only the two of them has known, for one last time. As he rested his head on Fuji's shoulders and breathed in his unique sweet scent, Tezuka closed his eyes, wishing that time would stop at that moment so that he'd never have to wake up to reality again.

* * *

Fuji was still there in front of the olden house covered with snow. It was that time of the year again. And he couldn't help but come to it, from time to time.

Only that Tezuka was no longer there.

He had already left and is probably somewhere around the world with his family.

And he would _never_ see him again.

It was true—that kiss changed nothing. And Fuji still stood alone in front of the house, fighting against the cold on his own, remembering, reminiscing what it felt like when Tezuka was still with him. How he used to be cold to him, hiding…what he was truly feeling…how his eyes fell fondly on him… how he pulled him to draw him into a kiss… and how he kissed him. He knew that that was only meant for him. It was _their_ kiss, after all.

And how he hugged him after…there on that post. How he covered him to keep him warm. Fuji couldn't help but miss his presence. There was something so protective in it that Fuji felt safe and secure.

But he knew that night was only a dream. A dream that would never turn into reality to begin with.

He eyed the post filling with a very thick layer of snow with no light shining above it.

He couldn't help but smile to it as many more memories came flooding through, but he'll have to leave them now, won't he?

And whatever happened on that post—it stays between him and Tezuka, and it will stay there, forever, Fuji thought as he peacefully walked away.

**END**


End file.
